May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
