I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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