mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
