i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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