he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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