I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
