one might say we're banned from that church
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
