i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
