How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is the high leading the old right now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
