College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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