it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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