In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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