I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
