when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
