i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
