mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
