Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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