I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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