I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think people are normalizing furries
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
