i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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