Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
