I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
