he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
