time to smoke my breakfast
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Mom said you looked used
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize