I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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