I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
