i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
