Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
