Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
