I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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