When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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