i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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