dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
