I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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