i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
