Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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