Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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