I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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