Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
