He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
