so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
