who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
