I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
