all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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