if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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