Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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