If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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