with your own penis?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
