dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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