If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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