OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
