I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
