Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
