Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
