I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
