everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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