hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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