I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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