her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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