id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do herpes really smell.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
