There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize