When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
