i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
third nipple confirmed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
