At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
